...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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