I wish I could punch you in the face.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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