I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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