i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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