im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
