when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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