He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
