Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
