Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize