Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
