Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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