What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
