I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
