No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
be right there i have to get my cape
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
