Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize