How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
