We won't sleep together?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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