mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Do vagina's smell?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
