Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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