And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize