i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
