i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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