Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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