my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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