shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
