Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
