By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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