Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
