mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
