My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
