so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
