just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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