i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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