Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
