i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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