the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
