so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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