I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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