I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
