That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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