i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
