my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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