just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
