Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
