Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize