The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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