no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
