it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
