mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
