when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
