I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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