watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
