I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
