So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
