a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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