just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
