capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
