Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize