woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
