YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
