new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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