I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
