Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
