I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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