My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
