i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
