listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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